Staring For Beginners

A lesson in staring from Mandy Coe:

Drunks and dogs don’t like it.
If you are caught staring, it is no good pretending
to check your watch or study the ceiling.
These are signs of a novice.

Simply shift your gaze
to a mid-distance point. Cultivating a light frown
will give the impression of deep thought.

For most sentient beings, a stare
carries voltage. The subject will sense
anything from a mild buzz to a jolt. Other symptoms
include increased heart-rate, chills
and hair becoming electro-statically charged.

Staring at a part of a person’s body
leaves you open to a high wattage stare-back.
Hostile stare-volleys
are to be avoided in confined spaces.

Babies under the age of three
experience stares as noise.
They can be woken from a deep sleep by a stare
and will look around the room to identify its source.

Train windows are useful for bending stares
round corners. But only heavily misted glass
prevents them from being sensed.

Keep stares short.
Set a maximum distance between you and the subject.
Tip: gazing and staring are two different things.
It is vital to remember this in relationships, especially
when your partner is naked.

Mandy Coe
first published in The Weight of Cows
Shoestring Press 2004

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